I'm Leaning In
My family is a traditional family. My Dad is the breadwinner, and my Mom mostly
stayed at home. She worked outside the
home for a few years while I was in middle school and high school, but is happiest
working inside the home. I was
encouraged at a very young age to pursue education. A 4-year college degree was not optional in
my family. I still remember when I was
10 years old my parents went to Boston and brought me back a sweatshirt from
Harvard. My Dad told me when he gave me
the sweatshirt that if I worked hard enough, I could go to Harvard. I was inspired. From that point on, even in elementary school
I never got anything less than an A. I
graduated high school with a 4.0 GPA. I
didn’t go to Harvard, but instead went to BYU on scholarship and graduated with
a 3.84 GPA. No regrets. I am forever indebted to my parents for
teaching me that education is important and that I could do anything I wanted
if I worked hard enough.
I got my first job when I was 17. I was more or less a secretary for the forms
department at DealerTrack. Before my
first day, my Dad sat me down again and told me that I was a Nielson, and there
is nothing that we despise more than laziness.
It was my privilege, as a Nielson, to be a hard worker and to do my
absolute best at everything. Because my parents encouraged me to always work hard, I am an incredibly ambitious
person. I’m not afraid of the corporate ladder
(or jungle gym as Sandberg calls it), in fact, I love the challenge it
presents. I want to climb to the very
top AND have a family in the process. I
don’t believe the two are mutually exclusive, or that being a working mother
will make me less worthy to be a parent.
In fact, research proves that there are no developmental differences in
children with stay-at-home mothers and working mothers. Despite my ambition, there are several societal factors that prevent women from climbing to the top. Sheryl Sandberg talks about how women aren’t encouraged to be ambitious, and often feel like less is expected of them. I have fallen victim to society’s expectations both at the hand of other people and also of myself. I remember having a conversation one time with Eric and another lady who implied that if I hadn’t been graduated when Eric and I got married, I wouldn’t have finished school because I should have supported Eric in finishing his education. I was outraged, to say the least. Society teaches women that they are less deserving of an education and a career than men. Despite this belief, there are more women college graduates than men. It seems that women are rebelling from this social norm, but they still aren’t climbing the corporate ladder.
I have also put my career potential in a box before. Eric will graduate with his master's in
Accountancy in Spring 2015 and will most likely go to work for a public
accounting firm. We already know what
his beginning salary will be working for these firms and I make a significant
amount more at my job than his starting salary will be. However, public accounting firm salaries
grow quite quickly. We were talking about this one day and I mentioned that
even though I will make more than him for a few years, he would eventually
surpass me and make more than I would.
Side note – Eric and I obviously don’t compete over who makes the most
money, this was just a conversation we were having one day. Anyway, Eric stopped me and said that this
really could go either way. I’ve been
growing my career rather quickly. I have
been promoted twice within the last year and now have a team of people reporting
to me. He said we have no reason to
believe this trend won’t continue and it’s quite possible that I may make more
than Eric for all of our careers.
As I’ve reflected on this conversation, I’ve reached two
conclusions. First, I fell prey to
society’s expectations that Eric should be the primary breadwinner in our
family and that even if I choose to have a career, it should be a less
successful path than Eric will pursue. This is just not the case. Second, I am incredibly blessed to have a
husband that encourages me to be as successful as I can be in my career. He wants me to succeed and encourages me to
pursue my career goals. My career path isn’t temporary until Eric enters the
workforce and we have kids. My career
path is incredibly lengthy.
My favorite section in this book is titled “Make Your
Partner a Real Partner.” She talks about
how partners who are both parts of the workforce need to be equal partners both
in the workforce and in the home. I felt
like after every paragraph in this section I wanted to scream AMEN. I agreed with nearly everything. There are two quotes from this section I want
to point out:
I truly believe that
the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she
will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don’t know of one woman in a leadership
position whose life partner is not fully – and I mean fully – supportive of her
career. No exceptions. I 100% agree with this. Eric knew well before we got married that I wanted both a career and a family. Eric has never been less than fully invested in my goals and aspirations. At DealerTrack, the most common career path begins with installing the DMS. This requires extensive business travel. After graduating college, I always thought I would install, but Eric and I had just gotten married and I didn’t believe I could travel and be happily married at the same time. As a result, I took another job at DealerTrack and I was very unhappy doing it.
When I decided to start installing and therefore traveling, I talked to Eric about it. His response was simply that at the beginning of every career there would be time sacrifices and even though this would be a huge time sacrifice, he would support me in my goals. Installing has opened MANY doors in my career and I couldn’t be where I am today without taking that initial step. Eric is now at the point of his career where he is beginning to make time sacrifices. I only hope I can be as graceful and supportive to him as he has been to me thus far in my career. Eric still comes into the airport with me to drop me off and comes into the airport to meet me at the bottom of the escalator every trip when I come home. I absolutely love it.
When husbands do more
housework, wives are less depressed, marital conflicts decrease, and
satisfaction rises. When women work
outside the home and share breadwinning duties, couples are more likely to stay
together. In fact, the risk of divorce
reduces by about half when the wife earns half the income and a husband does
half the housework.
Eric and I agreed when we got married that we would be equal
partners in everything. To us, this
means that we will both work to support our family and we would both work to
keep our home in order. I have to say
that if anything, Eric actually does MORE housework than I do. In fact, I have never come home from a work
trip when our little apartment wasn’t spotless.
Eric always cleans the house before I come home. It’s nice to know that research supports our
decisions. I would say that we have
always both been incredibly happy in our marriage partly because I work in a
career that I enjoy. Additionally, Sandberg points out that women need to be more assertive in their careers. One of my favorite quotes is: Every job will demand some sacrifice. The key is to avoid unnecessary sacrifice. I know that my career will only become more demanding on my time as I advance further. However, Eric and I agreed that when we have kids, our goal will be to eat dinner together nearly every night. This may require that we come home early, eat a quick dinner, and then continue working after the kids go to bed. However, this will allow us to spend quality time together as a family and discuss our days.
Finally, having more women in leadership positions will open
doorways for more women to rise to the top.
Right now, only half of working women receive the benefit of paid
maternity leave. This statistic SHOCKED
me. How is it that in 2014 that only
half of the women who take time off after having a baby get paid? If we want more women to be breadwinners, can
their families survive 6 weeks without an income? Having women in power will change these types
of policies and open doors to better policies that to me are unfathomable right
now like childcare benefits, or maternity parking. I hope that I can make a
difference in my career for other women and for myself. I don’t have children yet, but maybe when I
do some of these policies will already start changing. And if I have a daughter, hopefully when she
enters the workforce, the gap will be completely closed and she will have EVERY
opportunity her male counterparts do.
Needless to say, I was inspired after reading this book, and
I’m Leaning In – 100%.
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