International Women's Day 2019

This week I finished one of Alison's favorite books, Lean In Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg. It is an excellent book and I cannot believe I waited so long to make time to read it. While part of me kicks myself for not reading this book earlier another part of me recognizes a benefit to waiting. The world has changed a lot since this book first came out. The #metoo and Time Up movements have brought to light troubling accounts of sexism and sexual violence, much of which took place in professional settings. Despite more attention than ever, mistreatment and sexism are still too often justified, or in some cases, completely overlooked at the highest levels of both the public and private sectors. Reading this book in light of these observations makes the need to promote a greater number of women into positions of power ever more pressing. I do not see how we can expect society to change while we choose to embrace leaders who promote or tolerate, sexism and inequality. We need more leaders, both male and female, who will nurture diversity and acceptance. We cannot change the culture without changing the power dynamic. Pixar recently released a new short that powerfully illustrates this concept:

After I finished this book I went back and reread Alison's observations. I love her observations. In the spirit of celebrating international women's day, I wanted to share a few observations of my own. I will start by quoting Sheryl Sandberg's closing paragraphs: 

"I have written this book to encourage women to dream big, forge a path through the obstacles, and achieve their full potential. I am hoping that each woman will set her own goals and reach for them with gusto. And I am hoping that each man will do his part to support women in the workplace and in the home, also with gusto. As we start using the talents of the entire population, our institutions will be more productive, our homes will be happier, and the children growing up in those homes will no longer be held back by narrow stereotypes.

The march toward true equality continues. It continues down the halls of governments, corporations, academia, hospitals, law firms, nonprofits, research labs, and every organization, large and small. We owe it to the generations that came before us and the generations that will come after to keep fighting. I believe women can lead more in the workplace. I believe men can contribute more in the home. And I believe that this will create a better world, one where half our institutions are run by women and half our homes are run by men. I look toward the world I want for all children—and my own. My greatest hope is that my son and my daughter will be able to choose what to do with their lives without external or internal obstacles slowing them down or making them question their choices. If my son wants to do the important work of raising children full-time, I hope he is respected and supported. And if my daughter wants to work full-time outside her home, I hope she is not just respected and supported, but also liked for her achievements. 

I hope they both end up exactly where they want to be. And when they find where their true 

passions lie, I hope they both lean in—all the way." - Sheryl Sandberg

I love these paragraphs because I share a similar dream/vision for the future. A vision where men and women have both greater equality and opportunity. Although, while Sheryl's dream is broad and global, mine is more personal. I see it taking place in the life Alison and I are building, where we both lean into our careers, and our homes. I see it in our division of labor where we are equal partners. I envision it for our future children. I hope for and seek to build a world where they are free to pursue the work and opportunities that appeal to them, rather than being boxed in by societal norms and expectations. I have no illusions that I can personally tear down the barriers that may stand in their way, but I hope to teach them to be courageous, passionate, full of self-worth, kind, and resilient; and I hope that those traits will serve as a strong enough foundation for them to find their place in this crazy world we live in. Big changes and societal shifts will start with individuals who choose to be more open and accepting.   

My favorite section of the book was the portion about partnership. Alison and I have been working hard to apply many of the ideas from this section of the book. We strive to build a true partnership. We are far from perfect, but we do our best. We both participate in keeping our living space clean and planning for and preparing our food. We both work full-time and, at times, make time sacrifices for our careers. Sharing these responsibilities can be hectic and the split is not always 50/50. There are ebbs and flows. Sometimes one of us has to pick up the slack for the other. Part of what makes our partnership work is that we are both committed 100%.

I get to have a front-row seat to the great outcomes that can come from leaning in. Alison is an inspiring example of success in her career and in our home. She consistently achieves her personal and professional goals. She is respected by her coworkers and has earned leadership roles. These successes have not come easily. I watched her survive through graduate school while she continued to work full-time. I observed her deal with the politics that come from working within an organization. I participated in conversations where she decided on the sacrifices she is willing to make for her career. Perhaps more than any of the other challenges I see her deal with the pressure of going against the norms of society, especially in Utah. She works hard and is passionate and most importantly has built a life she loves. I am so grateful that I get to build that life alongside her.