Madeline Joy - A Birth Story

Madeline's birth was the most beautiful thing I've ever done in my life. It was different than I imagined, but even more perfect. Her labor had everything that I wanted, most importantly a healthy baby at the end. 

My last week of pregnancy was difficult. Going past her due date was challenging and stressful. I felt like I had been doing everything, but I ramped it up on those last few days. I moved my office chair and sat on an exercise ball. I continued eating dates. I continued acupuncture. I broke out my pump and tried nipple stimulation. And I spent a lot of time every day doing the Miles Circuit to help her move down. I googled constantly how to self-induce labor, hoping for a spontaneous delivery. Thursday morning (August 29) I woke up and had a feeling it was going to be a good day. We went for a walk and then went to work as normal. Around 4:15 in the afternoon I got a phone call from the hospital that if we wanted to induce, they could see us that night and get things started. We were very surprised to get the phone call. We had asked to be put on the waitlist for an elective induction on August 30 just to hedge our bets but didn't really expect to get a phone call. We were also scheduled for a medical induction on September 3 because neither Eric nor I felt comfortable going much past 41+2. Getting the phone call on August 29 was so surprising and unexpected. 

We had a lot of conflicting feelings about the induction. I was really hoping for spontaneous labor and had been actively trying to avoid an induction, at one point saying I would go to 42 to avoid an induction. Letting go of that dream was really hard. We called our photographer, who is also a doula, to ask for her advice. We also talked to the midwife on call. I had even decided to wait until September 3 and told Eric I wanted to wait it out and was about to call the hospital back when I simply couldn't. The thought of meeting our baby girl the next day was too much to give up, so we called the hospital back and said we would be there by 7:00 PM. 

While we were going through the decision-making process, Eric made some protein muffins that I had purchased to eat during labor. I also jumped in the shower so I could start the process clean. Eric finished packing the hospital bags and placed a dinner order for the Protein Foundry and we were on our way! Our route took us to Foothill Drive, which had so much traffic. I was so confused why there was so much traffic on a Thursday at 6:30 PM. Turns out there was a Utah football game also happening at the same time. It only took us 10 minutes longer than our original ETA and we got to the hospital around 6:45. We valet parked the car, Eric grabbed the bags, and we headed to Labor & Delivery. 

We arrived right at shift change and the midwife was Izzy Armstrong. We were thrilled - we had done a few appointments with Izzy and she was fantastic. We also met our nurse, Cassidy. It took 3 attempts to place my IV due to my tiny veins. Eric warned them it would be hard and then laughed when he was right. I wasn't bothered, mostly because I'm used to IVs and needles being hard to place. Ultimately, they had to call an anesthesiologist to do an ultrasound on my veins to get it placed (after saying they might need to call the Difficult IV team - who knew that was even a thing?). Around 8:00, I took my first dose of Cytotec and Izzy placed the balloon. After that, there wasn't much to do but wait. I started contracting, but very mildly and sporadically. We watched a few episodes of Schitt's Creek and then decided to get some rest. Eric was able to sleep for a few hours, while I mostly just rested. The balloon was uncomfortable, and I was up often to use the restroom as one does during the final days of pregnancy. Around 1:00 AM, Eric got into bed with me to try to help make me more comfortable. It helped, and that was one of the few moments I was able to get some good rest that night. Laying on my side also moved the monitors, so the nursing team was in often to move them back into place. Around 3:30 in the morning, Cassidy removed the balloon (hooray) and I was able to rest a little bit more comfortably. 

Our last photo as a family of two

Between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning, we started Pitocin. It was a very low dose and I was able to feel my contractions more clearly but still very mildly. Eric turned on a Taylor Swift playlist he had created just for this purpose and we got the party started. Kristin arrived with bagels around 7:00 while I was bouncing on the birthing ball to help move things around. It was a really good time. 7:00 was also a shift change, so Cassidy left and we met our new nurse, Michelle. Izzy also left and Mari was the midwife on call. We had made several appointments with  Mari, including our 40-week appointment just days earlier. We felt so fortunate that we had met both of the midwives on call during the birth of our baby. The midwife team is 20+ midwives, and we had met 6 in total because we did all our regular prenatal appointments at the South Jordan clinic. 

The team slowly ratcheted up the Pitocin dose throughout the morning and my contractions became more intense but still very manageable. I labored in several different positions while Eric provided counterpressure and Kristin provided general support. Early on, I liked it when Eric applied counterpressure to my lower back while I bent over during contractions. I also spent time on my hands and knees with the birthing ball on the bed. There were a few things that were really important to me during labor. First, I wanted to be able to move freely around the room and second, I wanted to be able to eat whatever I wanted. Throughout the morning, I ate a good amount of food and walked every inch of the room. Around noon, I requested that they break my water to get things moving more quickly. It felt like things had mostly stayed the same for some time and I was ready to get into Active Labor. Mari came in and broke the water and we learned there was meconium in the fluid. Michelle let us know that the pediatrics team would attend to the birth and likely take Madeline to the warmer shortly after birth to fully suction her out. 

This news was really hard for me to hear and I broke down in tears. Labor is intense and I experienced a huge rush of hormones after my water was broken. I had dreamed of immediate skin-to-skin with my baby, so learning that almost immediately after the cord was cut, they would take her to the warmer was more than I could bear. After having Madeline with me for 9 months, I couldn't fathom her being anywhere else or with anyone else. Michelle was amazing and told me it wouldn't be for very long and it was important to make sure that Madeline was healthy and get her the care she needed. It took a minute to accept, but then I was fine. 

Mari said she would be back in an hour to check progress. At that point, I was at 6 cm. dilated and had been for some time. My contractions became much more intense after my water was broken so I checked the time so I could make sure I knew when the hour was up. Throughout the hour, my contractions became incredibly difficult. I was laboring in a side-lying position with a peanut ball and Eric applying pressure to my hips. I started experiencing back labor, which was very difficult and painful. I told myself that once the hour was up, I would request a progress check and then start laboring in the tub to help with relaxation. My top leg started shaking involuntarily at this point, so I knew that relaxation was hard to come by. At an hour, we did another cervical check and I was still at 6 cm. I was devastated. I was really hoping with the intensity of my contractions, that things had progressed further. I started thinking of other comfort measures we could try taking to help with relaxation. I also got into the tub, hoping that would help with some of the pain. I figured if I could get some relaxation in the tub, that I could progress labor and keep moving forward. However, immediately after getting into the tub, it became clear that something needed to change. I still couldn't relax and my contractions were extremely painful. 

Michelle and Mari came in and we talked through several options including Nitrous Oxide, continuing with the current approach, and an Epidural. At this point, my labor had started 20 hours before and I was exhausted. I told them I wanted an epidural. Even though my goal had been an unmedicated birth, I knew this was the right approach at this point in labor because, without relaxation, my labor wouldn't progress on its own. I felt very confident in this decision. Michelle and Mari helped me get out of the tub and explained how the epidural would go. I would have to sit still in a rolled forward seated position while they placed the epidural and then lay flat on my back for 30 minutes to help the epidural spread. During those 30 minutes, the contractions would start feeling shorter and less intense. I was terrified of having to sit still in an uncomfortable position while laboring. Fortunately, Eric and Michelle were great hype people throughout this process. 

An anesthesiologist arrived with a medical student and said they were going to place the epidural. The medical student was only there to observe. The anesthesiologist also said that there could only be 1 support person in the room, so Kristin had to leave. Michelle let her stay in the room, just behind the curtain. I was focusing on getting through contractions, which were coming every 2-3 minutes so I had very little awareness of what was happening in the room during this process. I remember thinking that the epidural didn't seem to be going very well because I was still feeling sharpness in my back, which they said shouldn't happen. I also realized that there was someone else behind me that I didn't remember being there initially. The epidural was in place shortly after and for the first time in several minutes I looked up and there were so many people in the room. They left quickly and I asked Michelle who all the people were. She said they were all anesthesiologists. From what we put together after, the initial anesthesiologist struggled to place the epidural and sent out a page and several others came running. I was grateful they were able to get it in. 

Once the epidural was in, I had to lay flat on my back for 30 minutes. Within just a few minutes, the contractions became much less intense, and before too long, Eric was informing me of when I was having contractions. I was so grateful for the break. I started crying due to the intensity of the situation but told everyone I wasn't crying because I was disappointed in myself or felt like I had given up. On the contrary, I was really proud of myself for recognizing when the labor was becoming too much and being willing to change my mind. 

Once the 30 minutes was up, I progressed to a 7 and they turned the bed into a chair. I sat there for about an hour being informed of when I was having contractions (such a welcome relief). After an hour, I was still at a 7, so I switched to a side-lying position with a peanut ball. After about 90 minutes in that position, we hit shift change and Michelle and Mari left. I was so grateful for both of them. Michelle had been so instrumental in helping me make good choices and keeping me calm when we learned about the meconium and decided to do the epidural. I will be forever grateful for her. Mari kept telling me that I had a beautiful labor, which I felt strongly as well. Eric and I changed positions, applied counterpressure, tried many different things, and were willing to change our birth plan when it made sense. Even though I was so sad to lose Michelle and Mari, Cassidy came back as our nurse and Naima was the midwife on call. We had the most appointments with Naima and Eric and I had commented before that if we got to choose who our midwife would be for the delivery, it would be Naima. We were so grateful that we knew all 3 of the midwives on call during my labor and delivery and that Naima was there for our delivery. She was our favorite during our prenatal appointments. 

Shortly after the shift change, Naima checked and I was at a 10! I was so shocked. With how slowly labor had progressed, I thought we would be at an 8. She walked me through pushing, while Eric started texting the birth photographer. She was 30 minutes out and although we had provided regular updates throughout the day, we were so surprised to get to a 10 when we did. We ultimately decided to wait on pushing for a few minutes while we waited for her to get there. While we waited, they put the bed back into a chair position to help Mads move down, which she did! 

Once the photographer arrived, we called Naima and Cassidy and started pushing. Kristin and Cassidy both held my legs while Eric stayed up by my head and provided support. We also kept Taylor Swift's music going. When I think about pushing, it was such a joyful time. Everyone was so excited that we were so close to meeting our baby girl. I pushed through the contractions and we slowly got closer. One thing I requested while pushing was that when we got to the song Delicate, everyone yell "1,2,3 Let's Go Bitch" like they do at the T Swift concert. Unfortunately, we missed the song when it came up on the playlist, but Kristin still came through and yelled "Let's Go Bitch" during one of the contractions. We all laughed. Kristin was such a great hype person and I was so grateful she was there. 

When we got close to delivery, Naima asked Eric if he wanted to wear a gown and gloves. Knowing that things could get messy, he quickly gowned up and moved down to the bottom of the bed to get ready to catch our baby girl. A group of pediatricians also arrived in the room and stood near the warmer. Due to the confusion that resulted from the rush of people that arrived during the anesthesiologists, Kristin asked who they were. They told us they were the peds team. She said that she was the sister and Eric was the Dad. I told them I was the mom, and the baby was Madeline. It was a funny moment and Cassidy told the Peds team this would be the most fun delivery of the night. They said it seemed like we were all having a good time, which was accurate. We were having fun. Between contractions, I kept saying that I was so happy. It was hard, but I was so happy to be birthing my baby girl. One of the reasons I was resistant to the epidural was because I wanted to be able to feel my baby being born. I was still able to feel her, but I didn't feel pain, which was such a relief. I kept commenting that I could feel her head moving down the birth canal. 

When she started getting closer, they put a mirror at the foot of the bed so I could see, and helped me touch her head. I burst into tears and screamed with joy. The photographer commented that if that was my reaction just to seeing the top of her head, she wondered what it would be when she was born. Eric told her it would be the same reaction. The moment she was born, I was watching Eric. He looked so happy and in awe. Naima delivered her head and shoulders and then turned it over to Eric who delivered the rest of our baby girl and handed her over to me. Madeline immediately cried while they cleaned her up. I started sobbing with joy. Our baby girl was born into a room with so much love and joy. Our photographer, who attends many births, commented that this was one of her favorites because the moment she was born, I screamed with joy, Kristin screamed with joy, and Eric looked overjoyed with love. 

Eric cut the cord (which I have no memory of) and then they took Madeline to the warmer to suction her out from the meconium. Eric went with her, while Kristin stayed with me. I could hear Madeline crying, which broke my heart. I kept asking if she was OK, and Eric kept reassuring me that she was fine. While she was in the warmer, I delivered the placenta. Naima asked if we wanted to see it and showed it to me and Kristin. It was fascinating to see the organ that kept my girl healthy while in utero. The side facing her had the "tree of life." We also saw the bag of waters and the side of the placenta that had been connected to my uterus. Kristin and I were both fascinated. 

After 8 minutes, Eric brought my baby back to my arms where we enjoyed an hour of skin-to-skin time. Naima was still working on me (I had second-degree tears), but due to the epidural, I didn't feel a thing and was able to enjoy all the snuggle time with Madeline. She was so strong and even tried to lift her head. Eric was at my side holding her hands. We told her how much we loved her and how much we wanted her. We told her that she was all we ever wanted and we promised to love her forever. I also told her about her cousins and how she would think they were so cool and how much they would love her too. Madeline's birth had so much love. 

After an hour, which felt like 30 seconds, a pediatrician told me that her heart rate and respiratory rate were high and they needed to take her to the nursery for monitoring. I asked if they absolutely had to and they told me they did for monitoring, even though they thought it was probably nothing. I reluctantly handed her over to Eric to take to the nursery. Kristin stayed with me, which I was so grateful for.  Cassidy helped me express 4 ML of colostrum to send to the nursery to give to Madeline. My parents also came to see me. They had been in the hospital all day and brought me a sandwich, which I quickly devoured. We Facetimed Eric in the nursery so they could see Madeline and see how she was doing. We were relieved to see she was doing great and Eric was getting some great bonding time. Before too long they moved me to the maternal unit and almost immediately, Eric brought Madeline back to me. 

Madeline's birth went very differently than we had anticipated, but it was easily the most beautiful thing I have ever done. She's so beautiful and so perfect, and I'm in awe that Eric and I made her and that I grew and birthed her. She is my pride and joy; I will love her for the rest of my life. Her birth was so beautiful and I'm so proud that she was born surrounded by love and joy. She truly is my Madeline Joy.