My Dreams for Mads

Since before you were born, I've been thinking about what I want to say to you. My grandma Pat, whom I dearly loved, wrote me a letter a few days before I was born. I treasure that letter, and I hope this holds a similar place in your heart. I can't possibly summarize everything now, but I want to share some of my deepest wishes for you. 

Life is going to be complicated, and it will demand certain things of you. You need to be honest, brave, and just; love and be loved; embarrass yourself; triumph; fail; cry; laugh; and so much more. All I want is to protect you from life’s disappointments, shortcomings, and unhappy romances. During moments of heartache, if nothing else, I will be there as a shoulder to cry on. I will lift you up, dust you off, and help you move on. I want to protect you from the pain and hurt, but I know that is impossible. I also recognize that some of my most cherished moments in life were born out of pain and heartache. Great joy can come from knowing difficulty and overcoming it. 

I want you to dream big, and also realize that with big dreams comes hard work. Dreams are worth working for. My hope is that all of your dreams come true. I believe you have the capability to achieve all that you desire in life. Remember that sometimes the best dreams are ones you can’t even envision. My life today is infinitely more amazing than my wildest dreams – know that you are among my biggest dreams. There were times I did not know if that dream would come true, but that dream has been even better than I could have imagined.

The first few weeks with you in our lives were a big change – no one was sleeping much. During this time of transition, your mom and I rewatched one of our favorite shows – Ted Lasso. There are so many things I love about this show. One day we will watch it together. You will probably be too young, and some of your loved ones will say the language is too colorful, and they would be right. But you will learn that I love a story with an indefatigable optimist. Ted Lasso teaches many life lessons, but perhaps my favorite comes as the payoff in a very satisfying scene when Ted teaches an antagonist that it is better to “be curious, not judgmental.” I love that lesson, and I hope that you will be curious. Explore, take risks, try new things. Because as we push outside our comfort zone, we often find wonderful things waiting.

It is important to find your tribe in life. You are going to find out that your mom and I love baseball. Like really, really love it, and whenever we go to the ballpark, we find a tribe of people who share that love with us. So many of our relationships with family and friends have been enhanced by our shared love of the game. It has given us more than we could ever give back. I want the same for you. I want you to experience everything baseball is, has been, and should be. I want a chance to explain what baseball has given me. It is not just about me taking you to a game, and explaining the rules and strategies, like how to get your favorite player to sign a ball, how to keep score, or how to convince your dad to buy you a giant pretzel in the  7th inning. It is about other things too, like how hope springs eternal in spring training, or irregardless of the standings, today’s game starts 0-0 and any team can win, or any day at the ballpark you can see something remarkable because “Suzy, you can’t predict baseball.” Baseball has been so special to your mom and me, and maybe you grow up, and it isn’t as important to you. I want you to know that I won’t love you any less or be less proud of you. I hope you find something in life that makes you happy and that you can share with a lot of other humans because whatever that may be, those people will be your tribe.

You have a rich and vibrant family history. Much of who you are has been influenced by those who came before. I hope you celebrate the legacy of your ancestors. Whether you like it or not, the stories and traditions will be a part of your life. You will be spending the Memorial Days of your formative years at cemeteries. Sometimes we stand around for a long time and tell stories about people you have never met, and sometimes it is too hot or too cold or rainy. It probably won’t always be something you enjoy, but one day, the graves you visit will be people who have been there your whole life, and you will cherish those memories. In these cemeteries, you will learn what it means to be a Nielson, Troff, Alder, Johnson, Tucker, and Joy. You will develop a personal connection to ancestors you never met, and by learning about them, you may just learn a little more about yourself.

This world often isn’t an easy place to be a woman. I can’t tell you how to navigate the world as a woman because I have not experienced that, but I will help you find role models who have been there and done it. I did everything I could to teach you about strong women – I married the strongest one I ever met.

I am not going to tell you who to be or what to believe, but I will always share with you what I believe. Your mom and I will take you around the world and expose you to people, cultures, and religions. We will encourage you to find what gives your life meaning, but I will never tell you to be religious or not, or even if you should believe in God. That is between God and you. As long as you are kind to your mother, don’t murder or steal, or cheer for the Boston Red Sox, I think you will be okay. I genuinely support your ability to find the things that provide meaning to your life.

I am not going to try to trick you into believing there is no evil in the world. Sometimes it feels full of inexorable and incomprehensible evil. You will probably feel existential angst as people around you talk about climate change, gun or political violence, and many other terrible things. In those moments, it is easy to lose perspective. Yes, those things are part of our world, but don’t let fear and despair rob you of all the other stuff – the sometimes seemingly small things – kindness between strangers, love at first sight, loyalty, friendship, someone’s hand in yours on a Sunday afternoon, heroes who stand up when no one else dares, summer nights, children’s laughter, or huckleberry jam on a warm biscuit. There is a lot of good and a lot of bad in this world. All you can decide is what you want to spread.

This has been longer than I intended. Three quick things before I wrap it up:

1. Being trustworthy is one of the most noble character traits you can develop
2. Resilience. Always.
3. Kindness above all else.

I want you to know that I love you. You are so loved. By me, by your mom, and by so many others. You are surrounded today by people who love you. We are not perfect, but we love each other fiercely. I am sure when you grow up, I will have made an endless list of mistakes, but I want you to know I did my very best. I gave you everything I had.

I love you.